What’s a nice w…

What’s a nice way of saying no without hurting someone feelings? While we’re at it, what’s a nice way of saying no without injuring your career? #HazzardsOfBeingAGirl

Every girl I know has had to deal with undesired attention. It’s flattering and you try to be grateful and courteous until you feel a little trapped by your own politeness.

Worse case scenario: This happens at a place of work.

Still worse case scenario: When you sincerely describe the situation to someone, they point out that you brought it on yourself! You picture smacking them across the head and saying, ‘Oh! Thank you very much. I have no perception of reality so I’m glad you told me so. I’m sorry I was brought up with good manners. Let me go, rewind time and ask this normal person to &#%&(@^#&#*&.’

It can still get worse (!) case scenario: People around you think of this person as harmless (which is probably true) and think you are being big headed about your own importance (probably true in a way, as well).

How can it possibly get worse still (?) case scenario: It happens with someone who can probably help you/ mentor you/ assist you in your chosen path. Higher stakes? This person is the link between you and your six-figure paycheck. [OK, this more of a theoretical question]

So, I ask you, vigilant reader, how do you sensitively divert the attention of someone who is not a bad person, not aggressive, not mean & probably a good person? How do you do it without hurting their egos and your conscience? How do you do it without bad karma?


  1. I’m no expert, but I thought you would either find this helpful or funny. I was in a park hanging out with my friends (which you may have been there- I don’t remember) when a boy came up to me and said,”My friend likes you, can he have your number?”. I was in eighth grade they were in sixth and I had never met these boys before so I said, in the nicest way possible, “I’m sorry, no”. The friend of the boy who liked me said, “You could have at least lied and given him a fake phone number!”
    The point of the story is maybe sometimes it is better to lie and say that your in a relationship because it somehow saves the person the embarrassment of rejection. I guess some people prefer the lie to the truth. Unfortunately, for those people I would rather tell the truth than have things mixed up in a lie. But in a few cases, I think it is better to lie.
    P.S. If someone comes up with a better solution, let me know because I am in a similar situation. The lie doesn’t work when you know the person well. Just seems wrong to lie in this case.


    1. Yes. This would work if people adhered to the rulebook that if you’re committed, it means something. In LA, somehow, the rule book has been, to put it delicately, muddied. But I agree on the truth telling. Only, as I pointed out, egos get bruised and I’m sure karma gets affected šŸ˜›


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