You know those people who are out there to save the world? The one’s that think they know it all? And then some? The wannabe politicians, ruling the world in the convoluted confines of their brain? From their couch?
They are…the couch-a-ticians!
It’s a normal monday evening and you pick up the courage to close your beloved blog and decided that it’s time for a conversation. So, you start one with your nearest layman with no current occupation. He start off normally.With a joke, even. You’re hooked.
You laugh a little (maybe a lot) and then you drink a cup of tea. ‘This is fun!’ You tell yourself. And just when you think about the awesomeness of your decision to talk, the couch-a-tician unleashes it’s powers. What happened? You ask. It was all going so well…
Soon, you are left there… staring blankly at the human-news-opinionator-monster, wondering how you couldn’t have seen this before? All that pent up frustration? The chip on the shoulder? The enormous head? the crazy eyes?
But you didn’t see it before. Now you’re trapped and your technology can’t save you because he asked you (knowingly, in the beginning of the conversation) if you had something to do and you said you were free for the night. You nod politely and keep sipping your tea to eradicate throat dryness (achieved just by looking at the speaking powers of the couch-a-tician). You do that for the next four hours (drinking tea, water and any other beverage you can get your hands on), punctuated only when the couch-a-tician needs an affirmation of their thoughts or when you need a bathroom break from drinking too much liquids. And no, you couldn’t invent a cool set of shoes that could walk on walls to escape. Or jump out the window. That would hurt.
So how do you defeat this monster?
You can’t. It’s a boss battle. One, where your LP is 2000 and the Boss’s LP is unknown (and you’re on your last life potion). You just have to defend until the boss tires itself out. The only thing that always works against this boss is agreement. Agree with EVERYTHING. Trust me, it’s better to blog about your political opinions and get hate comments than take on the couch-a-tician. And of course, pray to the almighty and swear profusely in your head.
Good luck humble soldier. I hope the article of this KO’d soldier (died in the battlefield, on monday night, after 4 hrs and 50 mins of hard defending) helps.